nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
