So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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