You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
