this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Randomize
