OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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