It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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