If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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