then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
