She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
