I think I died a long time ago.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
