you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
