we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
