I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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