covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
