We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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