Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
And then he peed in my hair
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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