I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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