You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
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