apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
