I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Randomize
