C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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