When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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