he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Pooping to opera.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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