we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
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Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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