I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
