i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
