the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
