Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
