dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
