Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
