she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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