i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Randomize
