I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
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He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
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You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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