i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
