why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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