Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i just sent this text using only my big toe
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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