i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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