"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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