I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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