I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Randomize
