Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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