Moan for me like Helen Keller
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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