I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
