She is in my trunk
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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