The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
