somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
