Sponge bath it is.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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