My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
