hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
