i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.