I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
the condom got lost in my hair
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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