I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I love you.
Bad choice
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
