EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
