She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
