Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
