even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
