i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
