So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
do herpes really smell.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
