She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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