Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
