yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize