On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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