That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
