um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Randomize
